Controlling is difficult

           I have been controlling myself for the past few months on my feeling to you.I knew it from the start that this wouldn't make it and that's the reason I have been trying hard not to even take a glance at you in church. I'm sorry to say that but truely,I knew you and me is totally impossible.We are just two different world. The only way to express and hide myself is through writing.Write and write and write. Write whatever come across my mind and divert my attention as much as possible.Hiding feeling from someone is truely turning me very crazy and not my usual self. However,looking at your eye is difficult for me. I always wanted to take a step forward to speak to you however,my soul stops me. I keep hearing her voice,"No Grace! Please stop whatever you are thinking. Please! This are all temptations that lead you to evil who brings you away from God." My Goodness! Father please rescue me out of this. Going to church now is so difficult for me,is leading me to temptation. Although I have been trying my very best not to even look at him even a glance but it was such a torturing process.I knew what it was but I still trying to persuade myself till this day that it was just a fake illusion in my soul. It's God plan to test me out. To test my Faith in Him. You know God,I have been speaking to you every night about this thought. I was asking you about it everyday for your rescue but to no avail. I pray to you not to even allow me to see him but it always coincidentally that I met him. Is this really a test you putting on me to test my Faith in you? God,please give me more directions...Is going to church now doing me good?