When I say I am a Christian

When I say,"I am a Christian,"
I'm not shouting "I am saved."
I'm whispering "I was lost!
That is why I chose His way."

When I say,"I am a Christian,"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
Needing God to be my guide.

When I say,"I am a Christian,"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And pray for strength to carry on.

When I say,"I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say,"I am a Christian,"
I don't think I know it all.
I submit to my confusion
asking humbly to be taught.

When I say,"I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say,"I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my shares of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.

When I say,"I am a Christian,"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.

~from the book Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul~

definitely a book worth reading. (:

Task yet to be done

           Spoke to Father Lord every night regarding what should I preachs for my mission trip in December. Should I just tell how I became christian? Or how actually christian life has changes me into a better one?

           Short and sweet: Hello everyone! Er... I used to be a problematic child during my childhood days. Ever since I accepted Christ in my life,I became a more wiser girl. Through Him,I turn into a new leaf. Through the words in Bible,I learn lots of moral and words of wisdom of living a new life.I feels more happier and my life is no longer in a mess ever since then. He our Father in Heaven,has always be here for me whenever I'm in trouble or doubt without fail. And I really feels strongly His presence always. You will never understand what I am saying only if you have try to just by accepting Him in your life. (:

        Should I just share a short testimony like as above mention? Pastor Yang reminded us not to share something long,nagging or keep talking about our bad in the past. The main focus should be asking others to accept Christ in their life. Actually I though of using the story that someone has shared with me in Polytechnic.I think the pictorial story she used is very clear and good in expressing how our Father in Heaven has send His begotten son to Earth to save every individual from Sin on Earth. Okay! I decided to use that as my sharing point. (:

      Fast--Pray--Read. Going to fast today and prayer will start tomorrow morning. Father,I am so looking forward. Hopefully,I am able to starve through today with your strength in me. (:  In the name of Jesus,Amen!

Controlling is difficult

           I have been controlling myself for the past few months on my feeling to you.I knew it from the start that this wouldn't make it and that's the reason I have been trying hard not to even take a glance at you in church. I'm sorry to say that but truely,I knew you and me is totally impossible.We are just two different world. The only way to express and hide myself is through writing.Write and write and write. Write whatever come across my mind and divert my attention as much as possible.Hiding feeling from someone is truely turning me very crazy and not my usual self. However,looking at your eye is difficult for me. I always wanted to take a step forward to speak to you however,my soul stops me. I keep hearing her voice,"No Grace! Please stop whatever you are thinking. Please! This are all temptations that lead you to evil who brings you away from God." My Goodness! Father please rescue me out of this. Going to church now is so difficult for me,is leading me to temptation. Although I have been trying my very best not to even look at him even a glance but it was such a torturing process.I knew what it was but I still trying to persuade myself till this day that it was just a fake illusion in my soul. It's God plan to test me out. To test my Faith in Him. You know God,I have been speaking to you every night about this thought. I was asking you about it everyday for your rescue but to no avail. I pray to you not to even allow me to see him but it always coincidentally that I met him. Is this really a test you putting on me to test my Faith in you? God,please give me more directions...Is going to church now doing me good?

The taste of breaking bad news

           I was asked to be an interpreter for this particular Indian Dr N. this afternoon. Kindly, I agreed without hesitation.

           Dr N. said," Grace,can you help me break the news on behalf of me to Mr O. on his bone scan results two days ago? His bone scan result reveal that his tumor in his lung has metastasis to the bone around his shoulder,hip and knee. That's the reason why he is having pain continuously." Looking sadly at her, my mind turn blank. Mr O. was admitted after a fall at home. Persistent pain and cough brought him in to the hospital. He has a history of depression after he was diagnose CA(cancer) Lung few years ago. Looking at his history,how should I break this news to him in a nicer way as an interpreter? This was really a challenge and that was all I am thinking when Dr N. was updating me all his health condition. Putting myself in his shoe,I would definitely someone unable to accept the fact that my life is shortening day by day as the days goes by. After 15 mins of discussion, I walks toward him.

         " Uncle! This is Dr N. your team Dr who is taking care of you. She just wants to update you a little of your medical condition after the bone scan that had done two days ago. Er...Your report shown that your tumor in your lung is getter smaller after the radiotherapy. However,unfortunately, Er.....the tumor cell has spread to the bone around your shoulder,hip...Er...and knee. Er....(I started to see tears controlling in his eye)...Er...(Pondering should i continue)...Tomorrow,the radiotherapist would be seeing you to discuss with you about the radiotherapy processes and side effects..." Looking at him, I knew this is going to be another blow to him. For no reason,I started to visualise an image of me being informed that I was diagnosed with cancer. In this image,I was totally sank in silent and sadness. Pinching my thigh,I'm back to reality. Thanks Goodness that was just an illusion.

          Mr O. was totally lost that he was staring blankly at us speechlessly. I totally could understand how he feels. Reinforce to him not to worry as the health care team going to definitely help him through this painful process. He thanks us profusely despite the sadness. Speaking in English so as not to allow Mr O. understand our conversation,I asked," Is he really going to be cure even after the radiotherapy? Dr N. shake her head and replied," Incurable. We could only help him stop the pain as much as we could and the rest is up to him. His lung cancer prognosis is no good. Definitely it wont. We will refer him to palliative team to maximise the comfort we could provide for him." Back looking at him smiling patting at his shoulder gently,I told him,"You will be save! Not to worry. All you need to do is eat more and have more energy to exercise. You would definitely gets better."
            
         However,I knew I told a lie......

The most touching True Love Story on Earth

           I had a patient who is critically ill in my cubicle. Despite his illness,Mrs X. came to visit him almost everyday without fail. Looking at the physically appearance of her, it definitely move every tears. An old lady walking with a 90 degree bending forward with an unsteady gait pushing a pram of hers everywhere she goes. Without fail, she visits her bedbounce husband who is totally dependant on others on daily activities. Carrying a smile whoever she met is really a heart-warming sight that really touches individual heart and soul. In her pram,she carries all the home prepared foods with the helps of volunteers who visited her daily and as well as from her relatives who visited her occasionally. She shares unselfishly of all the tonics with her husband that the volunteers donated.

           Sept 11. Dr M. broke news to her that her husband is in a critically ill state. He might left her unknowingly at unspecified time. Her heart broke on the spot as her facial expression tells. She replied calmly,"Thank You Dr for the care during all this while. I really hope you could save my husband in all means. He is the only person that I am motivated to survive till this day. Unfortunately,we have no children. I'm fine with your suggestion of sending him to nursing home upon discharge as I feels i may unable to take good care of him. But I'm alright even if he is home,I am still able to cook and feed him without any difficulties. However,for his well-being,I go with your suggestion on sending him to nursing home for the best care." Dr M. was really touched upon hearing this from the wife. I could see the twinkling eye from him when he updated me on his plan after the short conversation with his wife.

            Sept 12. Saw her pushing her pram walking through the entrance of the cubicle slowly,useing her pram as a walking aid. She say hello and smile to me gracefully with her denture revealing partially.She instructed her husband to repeat after her,"say thank you to Missy (:" So as her husband did. The thanksgiving thought of her really brighten up my day. Seeing her husband refused profusely over hospital foods after three mouthful, she slowly open up her pram and took out a vacuum filled with plain porridge that she prepared. She adjust herself in a position comfortable for feeding and said,"I will feed him myself. It's OK! I can do it myself. Thank You Missy! You are very kind. (:" The sunshine smile has never faded every since she steps in. After her husband finished the porridge,she slowly make her way through the pram again and reach out for a bottle of chicken essence. Oh! that was really sweet! "Missy! Can help me make hot?" Speaking to me with her back bending 90 degree forward is definitely a heartbreaking sight. After making hot,she took out a straw from her pram and make her way through again positioning herself to feed her husband. Really! It totally a heartwarming sight. I always thought that romance story like this only appears in TV. To my surprise,I witnessed a real LIVE touching love story on Earth. Dspite all physcial limitations, nothing is more important than kin-ship. After 9pm,she was caught sleeping outside the TV area after watching TV. A colleague of mine wake her up from her dream,she refused to go home. Why? She replied," I still got an orange juice for him." She slowly make her way back pushing the pram again and fed his husband. She only agrees to leave after the last feeding. Tears really rolled in my eye at this moment. I volunteer to send her off to the taxi stand but was rejected kindly. I asked her where she is going to hire a taxi at this late hour? she told me at Blk 5(which usually taxi seldom pass by). I offered to bring her to Blk 4 instead whereby more taxis would drive pass,she replied," It's OK! I can go take taxi myself. I always go there. Sure have! it's late. You go home first.Thank You Missy! " She actually concerned about the time for me. Indeed it was late. She is totally someone who is unselfish,kindhearted and sweet. Looking at her, I feels I'm so small and incomparable to her. Hope God watch over her in heaven and bless her and her husband. (:

            Life shouldn't be about ourself. You only see the meaningful in it if you are ready to serve others and only through serving...JOY,HAPPINESS and LOVE will be given to you. (: Thanks Mrs X. for teaching me a lesson.

            In the name of Jesus,Amen!

Human nature

On the opposite coast of sadness,
is something called a smile.

But before we can go there,
is there something we're waiting for?

In order to chase our dreams,
we can't have a reason to run away.
We have to walk straight on,
in a place worn down by sadness.

Something called a miracle is waiting.
Yet we are still searching,
for the sunflower to blossom at the end of spring.

The warrior who awaits the morning light,
before he can clasp it with red nails,
his tears glitter and fall.

Even if we've grown used to loneliness,
only relying on the light of the moon brings accompany to one.

We have to fly away with featherless wing,
just go forward,just a little further.

As  the rain clouds break,
the wet streets sparkling shine.
Although it brings only darkness,
a powerful,powerful light above helps push us to walk on without fear.

And thanks God,
for creating human with full of wisdom and emotions.
That what make us unique on earth.